Abstinence-only Sex Education is neither good nor is it Sex Education and it is certainly NOT Rape Prevention.
Probably all education is but two things: first, the parrying of the ignorant children’s impetuous assault on the truth, and second, the gentle, imperceptible, step-by-step initiation of the humiliated children into the Lie. —Franz Kafka(more…)
When I address high school girls and college women I begin by telling them about male socialization. Most haven’t heard the truth about male socialization, especially from a male. Very often as I talk, some cry, most get very quiet. Previously they have been taught to ignore their instincts; not to identify abuse that they have suffered as abuse; that the greatest danger is from a stranger; and that it is nearly inevitable that they will be assaulted. Their only hope, they have been taught is: 1) to dress differently; 2) to drink less; 3) accept the protection that a male relative or partner offers (no matter that statistically he is most likely to assault them); 4) blame the victim and otherwise distance themselves from other survivors who they believe to be weak; 5) continue to believe that it is hopeless—that there is nothing that a “mere” girl or woman can do to avoid sexual assault.(more…)
Your Childrens’ Questions
Many Questions But Few Good Answers
Note: I base my beliefs on responses from students in the thousands of sessions I have presented across the U.S. in middle schools, high schools, colleges, juvenile and adult prisons, group homes among other venues. I have presented approximately one hundred sessions in high schools and colleges in Canada. Based on my reception from Canadian students, I feel my conclusions are valid for Canadians as well. Additionally, high school and college students from nearly every country in the world who attended my educational sessions while they were studying in the U.S. have remarked that my discussion of the toxic socialization of boys in the U.S. matched their experiences growing up even considering differences of language and culture.(more…)
“We are not even able to think adequately about the behavior that is at the annihilating edge. But what we think is less than what we know; what we know is less than what we love; what we love is so much less than what there is. And to that precise extent we are so much less than what we are.”
No = No. If a partner says it, believe it. Otherwise you will be turning your potential lover into your victim. It isn’t someone else’s responsibility to set our limits. If someone doesn’t say “no,” it certainly does not mean “yes.”
No answer does not = yes. Too many males have acted without good information (or ignored clear messages). If either (or both) of you can’t (won’t) talk about sex and the possible consequences for a relationship, then it is much too soon to be sexual together.
Submission does not = consent. Reasons that females might submit include: fear experience might have shown her that resistance, verbal or physical, doesn’t work and may even be punished additionally; fatigue She may become tired of fending us off. If you ask and someone says “I guess” or “Well, if you want to” or “Fine…just get it over with” or “I don’t know…” or “If that’s what you want…” or “Whatever you say” these don’t sound like someone is freely, happily, consenting to sexual acts.(more…)